happie ....but feeling down.....am i going to live longer?.....

dad & mom cuming 2 KL last Friday...i was so excited! 2day wake up early morning...brought dad & mom to Ikano...dad wanna go popular...books...books...& books forever...forever BOOKS huh! :) then i brought mama go bck hayley baby gal thingy...very happie when shopping with mom...feeling so warm & touch....there is a scenario i feel so hurt & sad...when i saw mama brought those heavy paper bags...i have told her not to carry so heavy things...wait me at the parking...& i can carry all of them...i feeling heart pain when i saw mama carry heavy things with her hand...where i have thought back...she has been holding me when i was child with her hand...now i shud be the one who holding her hand when she is getting older...

2day when chatting wit bao thru msn...i can feel that he was unhappy & down...hoping i can cherish him...but the way he replied...make me feel myself so annoying & extra...how i wish bao cAn shopping 2day wit us....wit mom & dad....so he wun be so lonely at home...i owez feeling bad when i get to know he is unhappy....o down....

i shouldn't care about his feelings so much dy.....i still feeling upset...when i know he is upset.....haiz....i've been caring too much....& i know he never know how much i care for him...even i owez like to tease.....o scold him.....sometimes i jst wanna cover my caring twd him...& hate myself why to care him so much..! as he doesnt even care at all...

feeling bad huh! :~( i know i'm not a good gal .....owez very impatient...& bad temper...sometimes i jus dun like ppl c the real of me....coz my 1st impression for ppl..pii is a tough gal right! :) sometimes i do feeling tired.....& sad....even i owez feeling helpless....

recently....i'm over stress...& i am so much worries about my hair dropping....& worries...am i going to hv blood cancer...i'm so worries after philips told me about the blood thingy...

i'm going to c a doctor soon.....but i'm feeling so timid & afraid....am i going to live longer...i'm asking myself this question every nite these few days...

if 1 day....i'm leaving soon....i think i'm not going to tell anyone...coz i don't want those ppl who love me...sad for me...especially mom...

but i believe that...i will live each day full of happiness....meaningful....& blessingss.....

if 1 day i leave....will bao sad? ummm....maybe he feel release without my existing.....coz i had brought him so much terrible memories....hehehe...

i love........ .... :)



"if i die before you then my love will linger forever around you..& when you change your mind, and wish to be with me, i will greet you at heaven's gate with the same love and the same loving arms we knew in life"....

another touching quote i luv! :)



pii [17 Aug 09]