our last trip - Bali trip

finally, we still go for our last trip - Bali. It is a 4 days 3 night trip from 29 Apr - 2 May 2009....at 1st, i was thought bao will last min ffk pii again...coz his 'slut' will never let him go with me...frankly speaking, i never expect he will goes with me...coz i know for him...am jst one of his 'frens' ...i hv plan to go myself if he can't make it...it was a big suprised that he really did make it! i hv to admit that inside my heart...i feel so 'touched' of it...at last, he keep his promise to me....its a long long long times that he never keep his promises twd me...i know after the trip...he wans me to forget about him as he sms me on 7 Apr...haiz..i am trying so hard to do it...i'm trying..trying..trying..trying....i wanted to b cruel twd him....but i owez soft hearted when everytimes i c his innocent face..i'm useless right? i know that this guy has betrayed me...& hurt me deeply coz of a slut...he has choose to leave me.....

i dont know when can i get out from this hurt & pain....i feel so pain when everytime i think of how cruel he treated me on 14 Feb...enjoying tiramisu cake wif slut at Alexis..yet..i was driving alone crazy on the road...lost my directions...& non stop crying inside d car.....my feelings were so so so down.....& my heart was broken...i jst like an idiot....my bf was having fun with his new gf the next day we broke off....& i was like a mad woman...driving alone...& crying non stop...am i really not worth for his love? why he wanted to treat me like that....? sometimes i asked myself...is it becuz i never try my best to work out our relationship? no...i did...i treat & love him sincerely from my heart....mayb jst like vanessa said..he doesnt love me as i did :(

i knew he had arguement with slut the night b4 we go to Bali...but i wun care so much!! i tell myself...i shouldn't care so much about other's feelings...coz who is going 2 care about my feelings? when they both were hang out together & having fun....does they ever thought about how's my feelings? i was like an idiot....waiting for him until morning....

i'm seriously tired of this king of feelings...waiting...waiting...waiting for him to come back...sometimes i asked myself...why? why i love him so much.....is he worth for my love? i don't know....i have lost my directions & myself....i'm feeling blur these few months...i hv become more emotional & unstable....i know i shouldn't act in such way...but i cant control myself...sometimes i blame....i blame why god treat me like that....why he can't give me my blessings....why shub i deserve for all these...when i really did nothing wrong at all....