pleasure of love lasts but a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime.. i meant it...

pleasure of love lasts but a moment, pain of love lasts a lifetime...it really meant a lot for me...i luv this quote :)



Today, i feel extremely tired....i feel that it's such a long times that i never have a good rest since we broke off....the past 10 days..every night i made myself tired & hang out till late mid night...so that i can sleep & don't need to think so much...but i can't sleep well recently. I think i have depressionss! i know i need a doctor soon...:) wow, one thing good is i lost 4Kg within 10 days! hehe...but i become very flat lo...*sob sob* . It's alright, i am gonna start gyming soon....wanna become prettier & fit. I have to get back my confidence....i have lost it long long times ago....

sometimes i am wondering...what is my dream? i am like losing my own dream long times ago.... All the while, bao's dream = pii's dream....It's sounds funny & stupid le? Umm..i dont think so..hehe! coz i think the most blessing thing is to have the same dream for a couple... :) To work hard together and achieve our dream....this is the only thing i look forward in my life when being with my bao bao....
today, all dreams have spoil...we are not able to achieve the dreams together...we have been apart...this times..i dare not think so much...coz i feel hurt if i think that bao doesn't love pii anymore...its hurt & pain...i'm suffering .....everyday i don't know what to do in my life...i am become zombie!! I wanted to let go of him...but i feel so stress & so hard to let go....am hurt deeply... :)

bao's dream? .....
i still remember bao told me that...he wants to have a happy family in his life...he wanted to have a simple & very bleesing family...he has his very good wife & own kids...this is a very simple dream for everyone..including me. And i am willing to involve in his dream...i owez wish i could be the one in his dream....
remember bao sent me an ecard...its about 2 years ago? i can't remember coz i can't keep the e-card that he sent to me...i still remember that...it was his 1st times to create and send me an ecard. It was Awwwww....:) really feel so xin fu...i can still remember the content of the ecard....inside the ecard...bao said wanna buy a bettle...and bring pii to anywhere...and son's follow him go gym...and daughter follow me go scold ppl..really damn baliah le!!! :( hehehehe...but the times when i saw it...i laff out...coz it was a cute ecard!

This morning he had called me around 9:15am!! That time i was still sleeping...coz i am taking 1/2 day EL due to i didnt rest well recently...and i got migraine...i was so so so suprised & happy that he called me....but i think....he called me...coz he kelian/pity on me...or he feel guilty twd me....it doesn't consists anything inside this 'call' :) however it is, i still feeling touch, warm, sweet and happie!!! I am crazy!! YES I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whenever i hear from him, i owez feel so excited & feeling blesss....deeply inside my heart, i know my bao bao is not belongs to me anymore....i should treat him as my best fren....my little bro....or my closest fren...i shouldn't has any feelings twd him....but i cant deny that...i love him still...*sob*.....i am kinda down when i heard that he said he didnt sleep for whole night...so i am wondering why he can't sleep...i think he is too stress of his works...so i ask him not to worry...coz everything will be alright for him...i know..i will pray for him every night.. :) i pray to ask for the best to him...every night before i sleep...i owez pray god...to give him all the best things in the world...i hope bao can owez xin fu....bao's xin fu....pii will feel xin fu 2....

Vanessa asked me...why i still wanted to find out more things..in order to get myself hurt more...i also duno why....i know that the more i know...the more i feel hurt & pain...but i still wanted to know more about him....maybe i still cant accept why he can change within a week....a 3 years relationship...it can change & turn into broke off in a week....i duno why bao can easily give up & dumb pii.....but i guess maybe he doesnt love me as much as i love him....thats why he can easily give up on pii....
i never want to c bao get hurt or upset....so i am sure..bao doesnt love me as i do twd him....coz he can just hurt my deeply...& to be so irresponsible...
i know i shouldn't forgive him and hate him....but i just can't do that twd him....i don't know why...i jst know that, i dont want to c him or know that he is sad & down....when he is feeling upset...i feeling upset as well..i owez feel heartache when i know he is upset...
i know i shub back on track dy...i shub learn to let go off him...i shouldn't keep in touch with him anymore...we shouldn't go gym....go dinning or go movies together anymore..
i shouldn't feel to sms/call him anymore...i have to force myself to let him out of my life...then only i can feel release....
i hate my current situations now....it' sxuxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!! i feel hurt & pain.......
but i love him.......

pii [23 feb 09]