waiting....

wat am i waiting for? i'm not sure...maybe i'm waiting for another new day 2come? waiting for my happiness? waiting for new job? waiting d debt free day? waiting for bonus? or waiting for him 2 love me more again?...i'm kinda confused..but i noe i'm waiting someday i can forget all d unhappie & saddest things...
sometimes i found mysely like an idiot! cos i easily trust d one i love..yet i scared to be betray..am phobia of it...can i really forgive him? i'm starting to confuse myself....but i noe i can't lost him in my life as i love him so much & deeply...these few days i was suffering...i'm trying my best to physcho myself & convince myself to forget everything had already happened & past...i noe i can't forget those past..even i can forgive...i hate myself sometimes why am i so stubborn...& hard 2 let go...i tot i had found someone that i can trusted..someone tat can pampered me...someone who understand me...someone who can love me all of his life...i owez think love is a simple thing..is a pure & truly feelings that from ur heart...it's taste sweet....yet it's can easily hurt u....
all these while, i'm working hard 2 change myself better...to work out everything..+ to take care of this relationship...i hv put so much efforts on it...yet..i got dissapointed at d end..yea, i choose 2 forgive him...& 2 work out this relationship again..cos i noe i still love him & appreciate wat he has done 2 me last times...those sweetest & unforgetable memories owez keep inside my mind...i noe i can be happier again...i just need times to forget everything...i owez has a doubt in my mind...does he really loves me as i do? if it was last times..i can say it loudly to d world that YESS!! HE LOVES ME SO MUCH....but 2day, i dare not to say it out...cos...i...myself have no confidence about d answer...or he is just used 2 d way that we get along all these while? JOYCE!!! Cud u pls wake up & cheer up!!!?? why am i so down these 2 days..any1 can save me? i feel myself dying....& i have oredi lost my way...